I

Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.
By : Viktor Frankl

I

I is selfish
I am selfish

I get angry when someone comes along and shares all these elaborate plan on what they envision their future to turn out. I still can’t choose between rice and pasta for what to eat. I became ‘Miss I don’t know’. Daddy used to get real pissed at me when he asks about what I want to do going further in life and I’m as clueless as a newborn so now I just rant off whatever comes to mind that moment.
In my ears I sound like a broken record.
I can’t even plan my day efficiently and get all tasks done for the day. Who am I kidding!
This is a…
I’m lost.
It’s so dark sometimes I take out my phone and begin to waste time. I hate my life been planned for me. But I hate my life without a plan even more.

Few years ago, I made this dumb statement.

I have time.

I’m quite ahead of my age mates academically.
Bullshit!
That has been my only achievement.

When I see people run around, determined looks on their faces and all I wonder is where they are heading to.

I judge
I scoff at them in my heart, ‘Oh! Some of these people are just trying to provide food for this week. They are not living the dream they once had.

I really hope someday I’ll read this entry and smile and tell my youth self, ‘I made it. I am living our dream. I am everyday reaching new goals’
Wish there was a time machine to see that.

I’m scared.