Ever woken up and just wanted to cry?
Or just walked around pissed off without a reason and just waiting for the first person to do something as simple as step on your toes so that you can vent your fury on them?
Ever woke up and started humming and wiggling your butt to songs and smiling happily?..
I’m so bloody weird.
Sometimes I hate everyone around me, sometimes I love everyone around me.
When I was in high school, I used to be a very social kid until someone told me I was a talkative and then just like that, I ostracized every one. By the time I was graduating as a senior I had about a handful of friends. I graduated from college last year and currently, I keep in touch with only ONE of those friends.
Sometimes, I feel I’m a bad person for not even putting in efforts to keep in touch but then I remember all the times I take out time and my own money for call card just to say ‘Hi‘ to them and they don’t even return the gesture. I mean we are all students, if I don’t even mean that much to you then you shouldn’t mean so much to me as well🤷
Similar shit happened to me in college and at this point I just give up. I enjoy the friendship while it lasts and let go when it fades.
I know but I’m trying to maintain a fairly healthy mental life.
Throughout last week, I had a pretty bad mood which actually stemmed from the fact (after careful pondering) that someone didn’t take my joke as a joke…. I admit I was wrong now… But I didn’t then, so I was pissed off at his ‘childishness and inability to take a joke’
Trust me if you’ve never experienced it, there’s nothing as irritatingly annoying as someone who can’t take a joke🤧🤧
I had to talk with the Holy Spirit.. If you are a Christian and you don’t do this.. You should try it.. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ A five star recommendation😋… And He reminded me of something I watched a long time ago, where the main cast said, ‘If it is a joke and the subject is not laughing, it is bullying’ I felt bad and told him sorry and immediately, my bad mood was over like a switch.
So all in all, there are no unexplainable emotions. Searching your mind and trying to remember where it stemmed from is a good idea..
Oopps! This is a diary not an advice column but I guess lessons can be learnt right?😂😂
Now I have two stories that came from my unexplainable emotions, one funny and one… sadly funny😥
One day or week, I was going through my UE..stemmed from the fact that I was mostly angry at myself for not being social and for that reason, I was angry with everyone around me that day.
After a mini fellowship meeting, rain was falling quite heavily but because I couldn’t stand seeing everyone in their cliques I left and walked through the rain feeling sorry for myself. A clique of two close friends passed by me with an umbrella and didn’t even bother to ask me if I wanted to join so I became even more pissed and started running. As I passed them while running, I couldn’t help thinking, “SO LONG SUCKERS!!” and just as I thought that, I got to the gate, saw a flash and met myself on the floor. I didn’t notice the bolted gate and ran headlong into it..
Needless, to say I had swelling the size of an egg on my forehead and I suffered it for a week😫😪😪
Is the story of how I met my first and for now only, real life, boy I can see and meet everyday crush.
I was pissed at myself as usual but hating on every clique taking pictures when he said Hi.. Still swooning just thinking of that moment..
I looked at him wondering why he was talking to me and a part of me, started hating him thinking he was like the annoying others who would ask why I’m alone, I should mingle up bla bla bla. Instead, he smiled, said Hi and introduced himself.
At that point, my best friend (who is a social bird.. Still don’t know how I end up with such friends everytime🤦) in college came to me and he was like, ‘You are her friend!!? I was just wondering who she was, standing in a corner so quietly.. (I might need to add here that I have been an usher before he even came to the fellowship.. A devoted one!!! And he did not know my freaking face!! If I was in Kuroko no basket.. I am legit Tetsuya😲) … I like quiet people‘ and just like that, I’m seeing how handsome he is, how cute his smile and voice is.. Swoons.. Crush activated…
Now for the story crusher..(ooohh..the crush story crusher. Just admit I’m weird and sigh😂😂) He never remembered me after that day, though he still knew/knows my friend😭😭
Last time I saw him was when I was finishing up my clearance as a graduate and my friend who was very happy to see him because I kept chanting his name and praying I see him one last time before I leave asked him if he knew me…
He looked at me for a while and asked if I was in the same fellowship with them i.e he and my friend.. I plucked my 3yrs old crush at that point from my heart and stomped on it with all gusto😂😂😂
Now back to unexplainable emotions, Moral lesson of all this gist?
Trace it back to the root.. 😉
You can also try this chant, doesn’t exactly work but it’s fun trying to remember.. I don’t know the full version.. You can go browse it out yourself.
Kim soohamu geobu giwa kurumi sancho gabcha dong baksak chichi ka po seri seri seta wori wori seprika methusellah.. Not sure that is the spelling or order but that’s how it stuck to me.. Learnt from Secret garden(kdrama)
This should have been published yesterday but We lost a bright star I will always remember. Rest in Peace Sulli😢